Wedding: Nayan & Lynn

I went to Nayan and Lynn's wedding in Atlanta this weekend. Took off work on Friday to drive down. The others in my car were Sando, Gbenga I., and Gbenga A. We arrived at night and the wedding was Saturday morning at 11:30am. I got up early to help set up, then the wedding plus reception, went out to eat for Saturday dinner. Church on Sunday morning with everyone from the wedding and the EC Embassy Atlanta. Went out to lunch after church with big group of people, then back in the car for the drive back, arriving back in DC late. That is the timeline version of the story.

It was really such a great weekend, an astounding wedding, fun drives, laughter, conversation.... The wedding itself was outstanding -- very simple in many ways without elaborate decorations or any sense of overdone expense. What came across most was the clear expression of true relationship. They had written some personal statements of love and commitment which were thought-provoking, poetic, true, and moving. From where I was sitting, I could see Lynn's face, tearing up as she listened to Nayan. My eyes were definitely watering too -- I can't watch such deep emotion without being moved as well. They made some very powerful statements. For example, Nayan talked about providing shade for her, leading her, defining her. I talked with Lynn about it later and I have never considered it that way before. God created a woman for Adam, but Adam was the one who named her. That principle of the man being meant to go to God and find the vision for his family and be able to bring that back and provide that to his wife. That there is some definition and identity that I cannot attain unless my husband speaks it to me.

The other clear expression of relationship was that of the community. We worshipped God at the beginning of the wedding and having so many members of Elijah Centre, we filled the area with praise. The ceremony was actually in a space that was essentially part of the foyer of the hotel, but there was no inhibition, no holding back. The family members who are not saved, or not part of our same worship culture, were standing there and I felt as if the worship must just overwhelm them. They could not help but be taken into our world. We sang "You Are" which exalts God, saying "You are who You are". And then "Together" which sings about our purpose in God, the fulfillment of all of God's will, and our standing together as a community which shall accomplish all God desires. In the context of a wedding, the lyrics were ideal. Nayan and Lynn saying they will walk in purpose together. And all of us as their family and friends, the community supporting them, that we are walking with them and they are walking with us. We are all invested in each other's lives; we have bought into each other. Nayan and Lynn have bought into my life, into the fulfillment of God's purpose in my life, and vice versa, I have bought into them. Individually before and now for them as a couple, as a family.

Another theme that came up over the weekend was my independence as woman. As a single woman, who has left my family (physically and spiritually in many ways), I've learned to be very independent -- I'm not a 'damsel in distress', I can do things for myself. But then to consider what it takes to be married, to submit. And even without that, I realize I need to develop more 'femininity'. Not a weakness of reliance, but that sense of allowing men to be men. It's an internal shift in the heart, although can start to be expressed in external things, whether it's in letting them hold doors open, carry my suitcase, drive the car, etc. That I don't need to do those things to prove that I'm strong. What does it really mean to be womanly? I think of Sis June and her descriptions of grace, prayer, care for your family, etc. I want to develop those skills further -- really the heart position of gracefulness, being constantly prayerful, concerned for the welfare of those around me (unselfish), as well as an external resourcefulness mixed with recognition of true weaknesses, care for physical appearance, etc. I also think of purity of speech and mind, lightness of heart, joy and peace -- those are the things which make a woman beautiful. Especially in this community, where the men are going through this whole Quarry process. I need to give them that space to be Quarry Men.

Another element that fascinates me with weddings is that transformation of identity. I may have an idea of who a certain guy is, but then when you see them in a relationship, you often see their real selves begin to blossom and be exposed. For example, in single life, you wouldn't have the chance to see how poetic Nayan is. I've always known that he is thoughtful, but the practical expressions and outworking of that in a relationship makes it that more evident. It makes me pause to consider how I see the guys in my life. Do I see them accurately? Do I see who they really are in God?